No, you're not crazy

Welcome to the Ready to Be a Wife™ Blog -- where we understand 21st century women who have the desire to be a wife, preferably today!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

He Says He's Not Ready for Marriage

Ladies, have you ever been in this situation?

You're dating a guy, and on the first or second date, when the subject of relationships or even marriage comes up, the gentleman says, "I'm not really looking to get married." I call this the "disclaimer." A disclaimer is something a man tells a woman up front about himself, to remove an expectation of him. So, if he doesn't propose, she can't get upset with him, because he already told her, he wasn't looking for a wife.

Now, what is it we typically do when a man says this? We think, "Oh, he's not really interested in marriage, but I can change that. He just has to get to know me better." I don't know what is in us as a woman that tells us we can change men! Encourage them, teach them, inspire them, yes we can do those things. But change a man, not at all.

Let me tell you why a woman can't change a man's mind about marriage. First of all, a man who is not ready for marriage isn't looking for his wife. Many men know within themselves what kind of woman they would want to marry. But they either aren't ready to take care of that woman, or they just aren't interested in committing to one woman.

What he may be looking for is a friend, someone to talk to, someone to sleep with, or someone they can call occasionally while he dates other people. So, when he says, "I'm not really interested in marriage right now," he's hoping you're a woman that will date him for a couple of years, but not expect a marriage commitment. Why should he care if you try to convince him you'd be a good wife? That only means more love, sex, and commitment from you, requiring him to do little if not anything to deserve it.

A man that's looking for a wife is in search of a different kind of woman. He's looking for someone he can spend his life with. He's looking for a woman he can introduce to his family. He's looking for someone he can share his hopes and dreams with. He's looking for that special woman, the woman he hopes is out there, but isn't sure such a beautiful, talented, loving woman exists. He's looking for you!

It isn't that you wouldn't make a great wife. I know you would. But he's not dating you because you'd make a good wife. He's dating you because he hopes you're insecure or naive enough to stay with him with little hope of commitment.

So, if you're dating this type of guy, and you are ready to be a wife, your time is better spent preparing yourself for the man who's in search of his wife then to convince a man of the joys of marriage. Save your heart for a man who cares enough about you to commit to you. You're worth a commitment. And it's worth it to wait on the man that can't live without having you all to himself. It's the best feeling in the world, and I am thankful to God that he allowed me to experience such a love, a love my husband has for me.

Would you like more private feedback on your unique situation?  Join Christine Pembleton's Honey Girl Coaching Club and get private email access directly to her right away. Click here for the details.

57 comments:

  1. Thank God I have matured. I almost fell into this trap recently. A guy I met, who seemed good on paper, "let it slip" that he enjoys being single. I told him we had different relationship goals and walked away...never looked back.

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  2. I have a friend that's in a situation similar to this. She's dating a guy who has given her all types of excuses as to why he's not ready for marriage. First, it was I want to have a home before we get married--MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Next, it was I want to pay off my car before we get married--MISSION ACCOMPLISHED(mind you, still no ring, proposal, nothing) Now, it's I want to be financially stabled before we get married(now this he has been preaching since they began dating). I kept my mouth shut for a good part of the relationship, but when I saw my friend hurting, I had to speak up and advise her to re-examine things and put them in prospective. I've been in the same situation where the guy was telling me, I have to do this-that-and the other before we could get married. Eventually, after 3 years, I had to let him go. It's my personal opinion that it doesn't take a SAVED MAN that long to know who his queen is. I pray continuously that God helps my friend because she is caught in a whirlwind called love and putting her hope in a man that's just not that into her.

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  3. Miss Pinky, You and me both! When I made up my mind I was ready to be a wife, I had to keep it moving when men came along who just wanted a relationship.

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  4. Anonymous, I think most of us go through what you're friend is going through. You've invested so much time, and don't want to seem like a fool. But there comes a time where you really have to look at the entire relationship, and make some stuff decisions. I'll be praying for you and your friend too!

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  5. I have been there and done that for far too long and I pray that I will never do it, again .I have also been told "if it's not broken that don't try to fix it".I had to reevaluate my life and get rid of the waste.But it took a lot of praying and being true to self before I saw what was happening in my life. I was blind but now I can see thing a little clearer

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  6. steffie, I think many women, including myself, have been in this situation. Realizing what you really want is truly the first step in getting it. That gentleman missed out on a good thing, and I know God has someone who needs and will appreciate all the love you have to offer.

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  7. My boyfriend and I just broke up 5 days ago because he is not ready for marriage. We have been together for a year and half. I am not sure if this is long enough for a man to realize if he wants to marry a woman... But he is 37 now (never married) and he still doesn't feel like "getting trapped". He loves me very much though and said he would not date me if he didn't plan to marry me someday. I am not sure if I pushed him too much. My problem is that I always think I can change a man's mind about marriage to make him fall in love with me. Am I too silly? I am just very heart broken and confused.

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  8. freshonion830, I'm sorry for your loss. It is so hard to let a relationship go, when you've invested so much time into it. I was in your situation, and had to let a brother know, "if you're not ready to get married now, then I need to open myself up to a man who is ready." Sister, that was almost 7 years ago, and he's STILL not married. I am so glad I made that decision, and if your boyfriend is not serious enough about you to get married, you will be glad too. I know you're hurting right now. It's so disappointing to be with a man for a year and a half and then realize, he's not making the commitment you deserve. But sister, you deserve better and I'm glad you realized it and made your requirements known to him. The man who will marry you will not need to be convinced about marriage. He'll get to know you, and love you so much that he'll do whatever he needs to do to solidify you in his life.

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  9. The one huge glaring problem I'm seeing here with the comments and this story is that, NO ONE IS PRAYING FOR GUIDANCE FROM THE HOLY SPIRIT. It's like many Christian women just take a shot in the dark and hope the man will miraculously want to marry them. Um, you should be focusing on growing your relationship with God and becoming a whole person by yourself. Then, seek God in prayer regarding who the right person is for you. If you're stressed or anxious and getting up in a tizzy over a guy, chances are you are jumping ahead of God and you will regret it.

    Just find something else to do with your time and energy and seek God in prayer about marriage. Maybe it's not your time for marriage. You need to ask God about the things you need to change about yourself.

    I have a guy friend that I have known since we were 10 years old. Before I started growing stronger in Christ, I had been chasing him for years and couldn't figure out why he didn't want to date me. Through all that, we were still friends. Anyway, I finally threw up my hands and said, "That's it, I'm focusing on myself." Basically, the Holy Spirit calmed my little self down and I've been growing in Christ. Guess what? Now my friend is interested in me as more than a friend and I still care deeply for him after all this time. God has revealed to me that he is to be my husband but we are both trying to straighten out our lives as individuals before we start dating and getting really serious. We are both content being good friends while waiting on God to take us where we want to be as individuals.

    So to the ladies on here. How is your relationship with Christ? If you are being intimate with these guys before marriage, you are already outside of God's will and not ready to be married. But if you're not, you need to pay attention to the red flags. Is this man a godly man? Is God the center of his universe? If not, then he is not marriage material yet. That man needs to devote his life to Christ because if he's not obedient, then how in the world can he lead a wife? Think about that.

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  10. Sharon, Thank you for your comments. I do believe we should seek the Lord concerning our relationships, but there is nothing more concrete than the actions of a man who is pursuing you for marriage. Or the lack of that man's actions. God can tell us whether a man is sincere, but that does not mean he is at a place to commit to marriage. Women who are ready to be a wife should know that a man who says he's not ready for marriage is *really* not ready.

    It sounds like for your situation that you are waiting for your friend to move your relationship forward, and if that is okay with you, then that is perfectly fine. But not every woman wans to wait for a man to "someday" want to marry her. And that's okay for her too. Just because a woman wants to be married and has made getting married a priority does not mean she is not close to the Lord, or is desperate. It simply means she has her priorities in order.

    As long as a woman is seeking the Lord, and can love a man with genuine love, she's in a position to get married. God does not require more from us to be ready to be a wife. He just wants us to commit ourselves to loving our husbands, and to marry a man that truly loves us as well.

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  11. Thanks Christine. I see your point and I do agree with you about men saying up front they are not ready. What I was saying though is that many Christian women who are ready for marriage don't wait patiently. They are anxious, nervous, and they worry and repeatedly ask God, "When is he coming Lord" or "How long do I have to wait Lord?" These are not fruits of the Spirit and they get you nowhere. A woman who is waiting for God's best will put all her energies in to Christ and achieving her own personal goals while God is fixing up that man for her. Plus, I think my attitude regarding dating is different than some. I don't believe in dating multiple men hoping to find the right one. I believe in God leading me to that one man who is right for me. Dating multiple people is a waste of time and energy and if anything, takes you away from your own personal goals and many times takes your focus off of God.

    You said not every woman wants to wait around for a man someday to marry them. Well, this is where you have to depend on God. What if this is the man that God wants for you? This may be the perfect man for you but since you are so impatient, you won't wait on this person. This says to me, God's opinion doesn't matter and your lack of patience is getting in the way. But of course, if God has told you that this is not the man for you, then you will move on from him. It's all about communicating with God and looking for that peace in your heart regarding a particular person. It's really easy to let impatience and emotions get in the way of what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell you. We have free will but God gives us glaring signs of a person He prefers for us. If you don't take His advice, you will make a mess.

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  13. Sharon, some women are anxious and impatient, and some are truly ready to be married. Not dating multiple people is like not going to multiple job interviews before taking a new position. You have to knoww what's out there to confirm you've made the right decision. We all are praying that the Lord show us the right way to go, but some things can be found out with our experiences in life.

    My definition of dating is going out once or twice, without having sex with that person. Can you do that with a few people? absolutely!

    Your way of dating can lead you to some serious heartache, and I pray you'll have strength to live with your decisions.

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  14. Thanks Christine. Honestly, I've had guy friends so I do know how they think and how they are. I don't have to "date" them to find out anything about them. I don't see any instances in the Bible where women "dated" men before they ended up with their husband. God led them to the one for them but it was up to them to make the choice.

    My way of dating won't lead to heartache because I put all my trust in God and I know God's voice. If you trust Him wholeheartedly, He will never lead you wrong. Only those who have not stopped and slowed down to hear from God are the ones who will end up with heartache. Besides, I do not like to use the word dating because it is so strongly associated with the world.

    You said: "You have to know what's out there to confirm you've made the right decision."

    What I take from this statement is that a person is taking the power out of God's hand and putting it in their own. Remember I said it's about listening to God's voice about who's right for you. This is why women make mistakes because they are depending on their own experiences and their own actions instead of going to the Bible and listening to God. Every man is different so going by your experiences cannot be trusted. We are to trust God and not ourselves.

    Thanks again! :)

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  15. Thanks for stopping by Sharon. I appreciate your comments because it shows me the mindset of single women today, and it's awesome to hear your point of view.

    A few things I want to say to you and everyone reading this post.

    1. Dating is in the Bible. Yes. the process of getting to know someone for the purpose of discovering if they are suitable for you is in the Word of God. It's alot to go into, but in Chapter 5 of my book, Lord, I'm Ready to Be a Wife, I discuss dating found in the book of Genesis. You can find the book on Amazon.com or on my web site www.ReadytoBeaWife.com. If you get a chance, pick up a copy or request it in your local bookstore.

    2. Sharon, I agree with you 100% about seeking the Lord in all of your decisions. God will never lead us in the wrong way. However, we get in sticky situations when we believe God is leading us in a direction in which He is not. I make mistakes and so does everyone else. We start by asking the Lord for guidance, waiting on direction, and then following through with that direction and measuring the outcome. If God truly directed us, we'll get good results, blessings that make us rich without adding any sorrow to them. If we felt led to do something that God didn't tell us to do, we may not get the results we want, but we can learn from that experience. The bottom line is, the fault doesn't lie with the Lord, it lies with us. We're the ones that are imperfect trying to understand a perfect God. On the up side, all things work together for the good of them who love the Lord. So, even when we make a mistake, God will still use that experience for our good. THANK GOD because without that scripture, we would be left making mistakes and maybe never recovering from them.

    3. Sharon, you're waiting on a Word you believe the Lord gave you concerning your friend since the age of 10. I invite you to come back to this blog next year, August 10, 2009, and share with us an update on how the two of you are doing. I'm sure your experience will encourage others who are in the same situation as yourself.

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  16. hi, to all. im new here, and its very timely i foun this website. cause of my problem, im inlove with a jew and i feel we both like each other, the Lord spoke to me about him thru dreams, thru the Bible and thru visions. were not in a realtionship but its been a year now that ive been praying to the Lord to remove this feelings if its not from Him, falling in love with a jew is a deep issue, everyone knows that. i tried to forget about this jew and tried to meet and love someone, but still the feelings for the jew is there, and sounds like a thunder to me when i attempted to love someone. its hard cause i dont know where God is up to in my life and with this jew. i dont know what to do, ive been praying for this, for so long but still have no answer, this jewish guy doesnt even make any signs that he loves me too an doesnt even care, we never dated. i really wanted to know if its really from GOd and why nothing seems to happen til now. its like the loudest answer i got from the Lord is WAIT.. but how long will i have to wait, im not getting any younger.

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  17. Hi Anonymous. Going by what you said, no this guy is not for you. What puzzles me is that you constantly used the word "Jew" through your entire post. It's probably because you know it's wrong. Jews and Christians don't mix unless you are with a Messianic Jew, that's different.

    If this guy is paying you no attention, then I believe this is all you and God has very little to do with it. You need to see how your relationship is with the Lord. You need to try to close your mind to this guy and focus on God. If you seek the Kingdom first, God will add all other things unto you.

    Also, if you want to know if something is from God, go to your Bible. I can see from what you're telling me, what's going on is not Biblical. Plus, you have a problem with patience which is something you need to work on. You need to put all your energies and attention into God and work on becoming a self-confident, independent woman. You are desperate right now and that's not going to work for you and that man senses it. But again, if you're Christian and he's Jewish, it won't work anyway.

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  18. I'm a Christian man, and i was married once before. I've been divorced, for about three years now. Marriage is a huge step in any realtionship, but it has to be done for the right reasons. I married my first wife because i wanted to do the right thing, and i was afraid she might leave me. Well she eventually did leave me. The Bible says he that finds a wife, finds a good thing, obtains favour of the Lord. I don't believe in keeping a woman waiting,but you have to make sure you married because you truly are ready and not because you feel force to. I'm seen someone now, and we've been together a litttle over a year. Do i want to get married sure, do i want to marry her sure, but i try not to let my feelings or her feelings dictate my move.i take marriage very serious, and it shouln't be taken lightly.

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  19. Am fed up of the dating scene so I decided to stop doing the dating thing. There are horror stories of "the gray hair, the wrinkles, the lack of men"... But I have decided to stand on God word. Even Elijah said, "am the only one left." Until God told him that he has reserved 700 of His prophets by His grace who have not bowed down to the idol Baal.

    I told a man who was not 'clear' about his intentions for me that there are things am not going to shy away from. One is paying tithe. Two is kissing the man that God gives me after my wedding vows. He ran so fast he never looked back.

    In Africa, its more complicated for a single woman. You are shunned, looked down on, and seen as a failure despite all the areas in which you have succeeded. But I have decided to stand with Christ despite all the redicule.

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  20. Wow! Lots of fabulous insight here! Here's my story (hopefully in a nutshell!): Week 1: I reaquainted with an old friend from school via FB. Both divorced, with kids, both want God to be the center of our lives and marriage (neither of our first marriages were even close to this), should we each ever remarry. Week 4: After hours and hours and hours of talking, realizing all these pieces from each of our lives fit together perfectly, both feeling God brought us together to serve him as a couple, are now deeply in love and planning our future together and marriage to each other.

    Fast forward six months: He breaks up with me. He says NONE of his feelings have changed for me; he still loves me deeply and hopes to marry me some day. BUT, what does God want of him? What is God's will for him? For me? For us as a couple, if at all?

    So now we are 'just' friends, best friends, although of course more than friends becuase we are both praying to know God's will for us, if there is to be an us.

    He wants to be sure we are following God's desires for us, and not just our own desires.

    I would love any thoughts on this! Prayers of course are more than welcome! I pray MULTIPLE times daily that God either tell me no, he's not who I have planned for you OR tell him, yes, she is who I have planned for you so we are on the same page :)

    Thank you! :)

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  21. Hi Anonymous(January 5, 2010 1:49 AM ):

    I've been in a similar situation before and kind of still is. The best way to know if something is for you is if you are at peace. If you are not at peace then something is wrong. If this guy decided not to stay with you, it's because he just wasn't feeling it but may be saying his feelings haven't changed just to keep you on the side. Maybe the two of you are just meant to be friends. My guy friend loves to pull disappearing acts. He acts like he is interested for a while then all of a sudden he ups and disappears again. He is a Christian and all but very secretive. Then, he pops back in the picture later and I know he will be doing this again. Don't let this happen to you. Go to God and put it in His hands. It's hard I know but you gotta put it in His hands.

    I'm assuming you did not sleep with this man. If you did, that's probably what damaged the relationship. Men a lot of times lose respect for a woman when she gives him what he wants. Sex is something to be saved for a marriage. Even if the two of you didn't sleep together, if you were still too affectionate with each other, that can sometimes compromise things as well.

    Please pray and stay faithful. I'm still a woman in waiting and if you have to keep waiting on Mr. Right, keep doing it.

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  22. Thanks so much, Sharon! Sometimes I wonder if I am in denial and as you say above, we are just not meant to be. We both are at peace with this journey (I just don't understand the I love you deeply, want to marry you, would marry you tomorrow if I could, but what does God want of us/me?) and it really is as though nothing about our relationship has changed at all other than our 'status'. Every time I think, okay, I should just let him go, so he can do what he needs I get strong messages all around me, whether via scriptures, e-mails, and even feeling God telling me to be patient and keep praying, so that's what I do. I don't talk to him about any of this unless he brings it up, because I don't want to give him any added pressure. I am a prayer warrior so I've got us covered there :) Thank you again for your insight! I do appreciate it :)

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  23. p.s. One more thing to add after I thought about this more - he swears up and down there is no one else in his life, nor does he want anyone else in his life, that he more than anything wants to marry me, he just wants God to actually speak to him, tell him that is his will for us. Nevermind all the many many coincidences that led us together, brought us together, (I don't believe in coninceidences - that's God talking/doing) etc. Thank you agian :)

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  24. Anonymous January 7, 2010 12:53 AM:

    You know, I have an urge to tell my guy friend off about the way he acts sometimes. Since we've been down this road many times before, I decided to take a different approach. If he disappears, which he has again, I won't say anything to him. God has told me to "be still" and "wait".

    That's what you need to do. You said you and him are at peace on this journey but you're actually not. You get peace when you can let a situation go, focus on your life, and really give it over to God. It may be on your mind but if it's to a point where it's distracting you, then you're still worried/concerned. I was messed up for a while, about a week, and God finally helped me to let the heavy emotions go. I still care of my friend but I'm at a point where if God says yes, I'm fine with that but if He says no, I'm fine with that too. That's the place you need to get to; a place of total acceptance. A place of total neutrality with this situation. Stop saying, "God I really want this guy" but instead pray and say, "Lord whatever your will is for my marital future, let your will be done." One I started praying like that, I felt a heap better about the situation.

    For now, just let the man go. If you have to, stop communicating with him. If you're making yourself too availabe to him, you're giving the impression that your still hung up on him. Maybe you are but don't let him know that. Men love the art of the chase, so let him chase you. Don't chase him. God will do the rest.

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  25. Hi. I've been dating a guy for a year and a half who has two kids and is 10 years older then me (he's 37, I'm 27.) We constantly argue because I am ready for marriage, kids, a family and he isn't. I get the "I wouldn't be dating you if I didn't want to marry you" speech and "I wouldn't lead you on." Is this true or am I naive to think I'll ever be good enough for him to marry?

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  27. Anonymous said January 7, 2010 8:24 PM :

    First of all, are you a Christian who is living right and what about him? If you've been sleeping with this guy, that's whammy #1. Normally when a man says he doesn't want you, nine times out of ten, you have been intimate. As long as you're giving him what he wants, he will not marry you. He will not see you as marriage material because you wouldn't say NO.

    Before you can even get married and have a godly marriage, you need to be right with the Lord. Stop chasing this man. When a man tells you through his actions that he is not ready to marry you, believe him. Men won't come straight out and tell you much of anything so you have to look at their actions.

    Are you ready to be a stepmom? Do you have your goals and dreams fulfilled? You should not be banking your life on a man. You need to find something to do with your life and stop worrying about being married. God allows tests in this area to see if He is #1 in your life or if that man you are chasing is.

    My advice is break it off. If he wants you, he will ask you to marry him. I have heard stories of women who got tired of waiting for a man to marry them and they break it off. The man quickly proposes afterwards. Not to say that will happen to you but you need to be open to the fact that this man may not be the one for you. You need to ask yourself, "Am I settling for less than God's best?" If you are not at peace which you obviously are not, then you need to take a step back and be realistic. I know what I say is hard to hear but it's the truth(I've been there). I refuse to wait around for a man who will not propose to me. God may just be protecting you sweetie. You need to pray about this situation but first you need to have faith in the Lord that He will give you what you need in life. A man cannot give you anything but grief if God does not approve of him.

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  28. I go on occassional dates with this Guy and its been more than a year. And yes, I have values hence I will never have sex before wedding, which he respects.He was the One who liked and came after me. I am at the age of commitment, which he knows about and we started out by discussing a lot about Future but he never wanted to commit as he says, he is not ready for it as yet. I gave it a time but he still wants to be very casual and says, he cannot confirm anything and will decide, when the time comes. He spends lot of time with his group pf friends and he is busy with work as well. Frankly,I am a bit tired and I want to do, what is right since he is very confusing. He sometimes tells me that he likes me a lot and sometimes disappears for weeks. Can you please advise as, what should I do in order to get him to love me but without any force? Any advise will be great since I am in pain as I do not know, If I should give him a chance to just be casual friends or just leave and move on?Age group-26-28

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  29. I am in the same situation: dating this guy for over three years, but he keeps telling me when the time comes we will talk about marriage. The fact is I do love this guy and I desire to stop because I am not sure if he loves me indeed, simply because he has held out on our marriage for this long. I've prayed continuously about this situation and even aked God for patience and other things needed to endure the wait. Now I feel like I am reaching the peak of my emotions, to the extent where I want to end it out of frusttration. What advise you would give to me?

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  30. I have been dating a guy for over 2 years now. We are very different and he is in fact younger than me by five years. I have always been upfront with him when it came to wanting marriage. He always had an excuse. First it was graduating college, so I waited 2 years for that, and now the new excuse is to be established in a career. I think I have come to realize that if he really loved me and thought of me as his wife this wouldn't be an issue. He wants me to wait on him and says he loves me, but I just don't know anymore. Should I just move on or wait until he is in a stable career?

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  31. @ Anonymous Feb 16, 2010 1:03AM:

    Well, if you are not sleeping with him which I hope you aren't, then it should be quite easy to leave. If you are sleeping with him which I'm sure you know God is against, then you need to break it off. Ask God to give you strength because you will need it. If that man is meant for you, he will realize what he lost and try to reconcile but don't reconcile with him if he expects you to resume intimacy. That is just the devil trying to keep you far away from God and fornication will do that.

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  32. Dear Sharon,
    There is a confusion here as there are 3 people with Anonymous. I was the 1st one to ask for advise, dated February 5th, 2010, 3:20 am and the rest are the next with different situation. The 1st Annonymous you see is ME. Although, I pray for all but I have been sincerely waiting for your advise since 2 months. It will be highly appreciated, If you could read my problem and advise at your earliest since I have reached to the end of frustration and I am very unwell with hyper tension and migraines. Please help and advise. I have not had sex with the guy as I believe that, after marriage. My guy is a friend and very confusing. Sometimes, he talks of future but does not confirm anything since he wants more time.Although, I have never forced since I want him to naturally love and give me my deserving love back. Infact, I feel he is unfair with me at time. Kindly read my problem scrolling up to 1st annoynomous and advise. I want to final decide, If I should be with him causual or just leave. Moreover, I want him to love me without force. Any advise pleas? Thank You very much.

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  33. @ Anonymous March 30, 2010 12:55AM

    Hi there. This is why I try to note the date and time stamp as to be able to distinguish what message I am referring to.

    First things first, you can't make a man love you. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to make it happen. If he isn't feeling it, he isn't feeling it. Trust me, I have been in that situation and it is quite painful to care for someone so deeply but they don't love you.

    I am a praying woman so I channel all my sad and negative emotions to God in prayer. He has healed me from the pain and sorrow and has allowed me to focus on His destiny for my life. I am on the fast track in my career and when God is ready, I will meet and marry my husband.

    You need to focus on yourself. Be selfish and don't worry about a man right now. You sound as if you lack self-esteem and I can promise you that men have a built-in low self-esteem radar when it comes to women.

    God will not give you the man He wants for you until you, 1)Give Him all your love and attention, 2)Pray and ask God what He wants from you and how you can better your future, 3 stop making marriage an idol.

    Trust me on what I'm saying. You will NOT be blessed with God's best until you "cast your mind on the things above". That is in the Bible and you should check it out. Focus on the treasures in heaven and spiritual blessings. Don't worry about men right now. I don't know how old you are but you sound young. If you are in your early 20s, definitely don't be worrying about men right now. I'm a 30 year-old virgin and very happy to be. Right now, I am so grateful to go home from work and have no one to deal with accept me. I don't have to feed a man nor children. Believe me, milk your singleness for everything it is worth. It is a gift from God and is to be used wisely and edify the Lord.

    It is hard to focus on God but it requires a lot of faith and trust in Him. He will listen to you and as time goes on, you will feel the emotions fade that are causing you turmoil. I have been there.

    God bless you and keep praying.

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  34. Dear Sharon,

    Anonymous @ March 30, 2010 12:55 am.I am writing it again as suggested from your end.

    Firstly, Thank You so much for your time and advise. Its highly appreciated. I understand all your points and will try to concentrate on all the positivity as possible.Kindly note,I still need direction since you may want to read more facts about the situation in my life.
    I am 27 years Old Virgin ofcourse hence not that young.I am going through the miserable, frustrating and very depressing mode of life due to many things in life especially because of this guy without my fault. I feel horrible and have lost the will to live due to his behaviour and my bad fate.
    I have always been a god fearing,praying person since childhood but I have always been ditched by people who I start to deeply care.
    He was just a friend and I met him 2 years back. I never even saw him in romantic way as I was looking out for real love. He liked me a lot and came after me, pursued me every day.I was VERY clear that, in this age I am not looking for just sex or physical fun but for someone, who I could have future together. He understood me and never demanded for sex as we were just friends.We ofcourse wanted more time.We talked a lot about future. Meaning, He use to answer all future questions very easily.He is confusing and keeps changing very often. Infact, I went out with him since he made a VERY big marriage sentence during start days wheN I was not willing to go out with him. Any girl would fall for that, If he thinks the guy likes him so much. I then started going out with him on dates but with time ahead, I realised, his statements changes every months. Sometimes, he says he likes me a lot and then once I by-mistake assumed that, we may be in a relationship after 2 years and he got wild saying that, we are just friends. I still accepted that as I am practical and do not like forcing anyone since it should be natural but soon I realised that, he is very unfair with me. He hangs out and spends LOT of time with his group of friends, which has girls and guys and even goes out over nights with them on holidays, trips etc and we have never really spent more than 1 nite stay in 2 years. I get many doubts but he hates it If I ask questions since he says those are just friends. I do not even question all that but i still get doubts like any girl would. He talks with me often but we do not meet that much now, like once in month.
    Sometimes, I feel, I should give him a chance as he says we need time but on asking question, he says that, future is not in my hands and it may or may not happen after so long. I got attached to him and now I feel so hurt with his unfair behaviour and non-commitment behaviour as he is 29 years old as well. I remember telling him many times that, if its not going ok, we can leave each other as he does not even give our friendship a name.When I say that, he becomes innocent saying that, I do not like him. I feel so horrible but I need to decide and with it, I feel bad as I have NEVER hurt anyone like this in life to deserve this. I have never even gone out with many guys. I have always waited for god but belive me, this one felt like god sent. I am miserable and very unwell.I need to teach him a lesson as well. I want to make him atleast realise that, what he is doing is wrong and probably move on from him. What do you think I should do? Should I leave, talk to him or what?Will he value and come to me as frankly, I have always been nice to him but he has always been unfair since long? From your experience, with the guy who likes someone but does not love as yet?.But if he likes me, why will he spend more time with his friends than me. I am just in lot of pain and want to decide right way and at same time, want him to teach lesson as he came after me after promising me BIG things and now he is all changed after I am attached. This is so wrong as I never did this to any one.Awaiting your advise. Thanks again.

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  35. Dear Christine Pembleton,

    I am same @anonymous from the above post, March 31, 2010, 2:15 AM. I will be happy to have your thoughts and feedback as well.

    I am thankful to Sharon as well but I see your posts up and will be great to have combined feedback since this converns my life and I am in big pain right now in life. I am innocent and need help. I am extremely depressed.

    I will appreciate and wait for both of your advise being Christine and Sharon. Thanking You for reading, time and patience.

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  36. @ Anonymous March 31,2010 4:39AM:

    You have revolved your life around this guy and it is probably frustrating him to no end. Men don't like it when woman question them. If they want to spend time with their friends let them. You are not his girlfriend and don't have the right to keep up with what he does.

    There is a saying, "If someone shows you who they are, believe them." Frankly, he has shown you time and time again that he has no interest in you. The one thing you need to know is a man can say a lot of things but you have to pay attention their actions. Men are not like women and won't come straight out and tell you the truth. He probably hasn't been up front with you because he knows you probably can't handle it and you can't.

    Do you have any idea how this guy's relationship is with God? Why would you want a man who doesn't care that much about having a relationship with God if you are a god-fearing and praying woman as you say? That is like the one thing that is on top of my list for a future mate. Is he obedient to the Word of God? If not, I'm not interested. That man has to come correct.

    My advice to you is let this man go. Stop taking his calls, block him from your email address, stop responding to text messages. Once he realizes he hasn't heard from you, he will start to call. At that point, act like you have tons to do. Girl, you have to take back control of your life because you are letting him control your emotions. You reek of desperation and that is a turnoff for men.

    You need to go to God in prayer and I mean sincerely in prayer. Tell God you only want what He wants for your life and I can promise you, He will open up doors but you have to trust Him.

    Leave that so-called "friend" of yours alone. He will do one of two things, continue to ignore you or he will come around. I suggest you assume that he won't come around and move on with your life.

    I have taken my advice and I can tell you, it works wonders. LET GO AND LET GOD. If you believe in God, you have to act like it. It is hard to turn your back on this guy but it seems more like desperation on your end. Most women who are still single into their late 20s start to become desperate for marriage. Don't be like that, find something to do with your life. Have you received a bachelor's degree in college? If not, go to school. I can promise you that will give you tons to do and keep your mind off men. Work on you! I cannot say that enough.

    The way to tell if a man is from God is, 1)Does this guy have a great relationship with Jesus, 2)Is he in a place spiritually, emotionally, and financially to take on a serious relationship and a wife, 3)Are the both of you at peace about how things are progressing? You are not at peace so this man is either not the one for you or the timing is just really really bad. Listen to God, He is trying to tell you this is not right for you. There is no reason why you should be getting this upset over a guy. There is something wrong with you, not him.

    Believe me, I've been where you are and I know how painful it can be. The only way you will get through this is when you start to love yourself and love the Lord.

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  37. HELLO, MY NAME IS ANGEL. I WAS WITH A MAN FOR A YEAR AND NINE MONTHS. WELL I KNOW HE LOVED MY CHILDREN AND I VERY MUCH. HE SHOWERED US WITH TRUE LOVE AND COMPASSION. HE WAS LIKE AN ANGEL SENT FROM ABOVE. HE HELPED ME PAY FOR MY DIVORCE, SO WE COULD GET MARRIED. WELL HE TOLD HIS MOM THAT I HAD RECIEVED THE DIVORCE PAPERS. WHICH WAS NOT TRUE AT THE TIME. I AM NOW DIVORCED. DIDN'T AGREE WITH WHAT HE HAD DONE, BUT I DIDN'T WANT HIS MOM TO THINK I WAS PLAYING WITH HIM. WELL WE WERE LIVING TOGTHER FOR A WHILE.
    THEN ONE NIGHT I PRAYED, AND THE NEXT DAY HE LEFT. PAYING ALL THE BILLS, HE THOUGHT I WOULD STAY PUT. INSTEAD I TOOK A JOB OFFER IN ANOTHER STATE. SEE I TOLD THE LORD IF IT WERE MEANT FOR ME TO MOVE BACK HOME, THAT I WOULD FOR X AMOUNT OF MONEY. WELL I COULDN'T BELIEVE, THEY OFFERED ME THAT EXACT AMOUNT. WWHEN I LEFT I THOUGHT THE LORD WANTED ME TO LEAVE HIM BEHIND.
    HE KEPT CHASING ME, WE WERE SEPERATED FOR 3 1/2 MONTHS. WE TALKED ABOUT WHEN I WAS COMING UP FOR THE DIVORCE. WE WOULD SLEEP TOGETHER, SINCE IT WAS NATURAL FOR US. WHAT HE DIDN'T KNOW WAS THAT EARLIER IN THE SUMMER I MADE A PROMISE TO THE LORD. SEE WHEN I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE SEVERAL TIMES, I DID NOT HEAR FROM HIM FOR ABOUT THREE WEEKS. I ASKED THE LORD TO KEEP HIM AWAY, IF HE IS NOT TO FOR ME, BUT IF HE IS FOR ME AND THE LORD BRINGS HIM BACK, THAT I WOULD NOT SLEEP WITH HIM.
    BACK TO THE FACT I KEPT SAYING I WAS GOING TO, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HIM. I DIDN'T WORRY, CAUSE I PRAYED TO THE LORD TO HELP ME IN THAT SITUATION. WE FAUGHT AND DIDN'T SPEAK A WEEK AND A HALF BEFORE I HAD TO GO. WHEN I SAW HIM WE CRIED. LATER THAT EVENING WHEN HE CALLED ME TO GO OUT, I TOLD HIM WITH OUT SEX. HE GOT UPSETI TOLD HIM I DONT FEEL HE DESERVES TO BE AROUND ME, AFTER NOT HAVING UNDERSTANDING ( EVEN THOUGH I ONLY TOLD HIM 2 WEEKS BEFORE I WENT). SADLY ENOUGH WE BROKE UP THE AND THERE. HE SAID IF I DON'T GO OU WITH HIM THAT NIGHT, WE WERE DONE AND NEVER TO SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN. THEN HE STARTED SAYING IT'S UN ATTRACTIVE ABOUT THE QUESTIONING I DID. HELLO I AM YOU R WOMAN. THEN HE SAID HE'S THOUGHT ABOUT MARRIAGE, BUT IS NOT READY. WANTED ME TO WAIT SIX MORE MONTHS. HE FELT LIKE HE WAS I PRISON. I TOLD HIM AFTER ALL THIS ," DO YOU THINK I AM GONNA SLEEP WITH YOU NOW"? THREE DAYS BEFORE I WENT UP THERE I REMEMBERED A DREAM I HAD ABOUT SIX YEARS AGO, AND WELL THE ROOM WAS DARK. SEVERAL PEOPLE WERE THERE AND HE WAS AMOUNG THEM. A SHINNING LIGHT WAS OVER HIM, SO BRIGHT. ALOUD DEEP VOICE SAID, HE IS TO BE YOUR HUSBAND.

    SORRY SO LONG... PLEASE HELP GUIDE ME SPIRTUALLY AND PYSICALLY. HE FELT LIKE MY SOUL MATE, I HAVE NEVER BEEN LOVED BY ANY HUMAN LIKE THAT SINCE MY MOTHER, CAUSE FAMILY OR FRIENDS HAVE ALWAYS HAD A REASON. NOT HIM......
    ANGELA.KRIS@HOTMAIL.COM

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  38. Please disregard the one above!

    HELLO, MY NAME IS ANGEL. I WAS WITH A MAN FOR A YEAR AND NINE MONTHS. WELL I KNOW HE LOVED MY CHILDREN AND I VERY MUCH. HE SHOWERED US WITH TRUE LOVE AND COMPASSION. HE WAS LIKE AN ANGEL SENT FROM ABOVE. HE HELPED ME PAY FOR MY DIVORCE, SO WE COULD GET MARRIED. WELL HE TOLD HIS MOM THAT I HAD RECIEVED THE DIVORCE PAPERS. WHICH WAS NOT TRUE AT THE TIME. I AM NOW DIVORCED. DIDN'T AGREE WITH WHAT HE HAD DONE, BUT I DIDN'T WANT HIS MOM TO THINK I WAS PLAYING WITH HIM. WELL WE WERE LIVING TOGTHER FOR A WHILE.
    THEN ONE NIGHT I PRAYED, AND THE NEXT DAY HE LEFT. PAYING ALL THE BILLS, HE THOUGHT I WOULD STAY PUT. INSTEAD I TOOK A JOB OFFER IN ANOTHER STATE. SEE I TOLD THE LORD IF IT WERE MEANT FOR ME TO MOVE BACK HOME, THAT I WOULD FOR X AMOUNT OF MONEY. WELL I COULDN'T BELIEVE, THEY OFFERED ME THAT EXACT AMOUNT. WWHEN I LEFT I THOUGHT THE LORD WANTED ME TO LEAVE HIM BEHIND.
    HE KEPT CHASING ME, WE WERE SEPERATED FOR 3 1/2 MONTHS. WE TALKED ABOUT WHEN I WAS COMING UP FOR THE DIVORCE. WE WOULD SLEEP TOGETHER, SINCE IT WAS NATURAL FOR US. WHAT HE DIDN'T KNOW WAS THAT EARLIER IN THE SUMMER I MADE A PROMISE TO THE LORD. SEE WHEN I TOLD HIM TO LEAVE ME ALONE SEVERAL TIMES, I DID NOT HEAR FROM HIM FOR ABOUT THREE WEEKS. I ASKED THE LORD TO KEEP HIM AWAY, IF HE IS NOT TO FOR ME, BUT IF HE IS FOR ME AND THE LORD BRINGS HIM BACK, THAT I WOULD NOT SLEEP WITH HIM.
    BACK TO THE FACT I KEPT SAYING I WAS GOING TO, I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HIM. I DIDN'T WORRY, CAUSE I PRAYED TO THE LORD TO HELP ME IN THAT SITUATION. WE FAUGHT AND DIDN'T SPEAK A WEEK AND A HALF BEFORE I HAD TO GO. WHEN I SAW HIM WE CRIED. LATER THAT EVENING WHEN HE CALLED ME TO GO OUT, I TOLD HIM WITH OUT SEX. HE GOT UPSETI TOLD HIM I DONT FEEL HE DESERVES TO BE AROUND ME, AFTER NOT HAVING UNDERSTANDING ( EVEN THOUGH I ONLY TOLD HIM 2 WEEKS BEFORE I WENT). SADLY ENOUGH WE BROKE UP THE AND THERE. HE SAID IF I DON'T GO OU WITH HIM THAT NIGHT, WE WERE DONE AND NEVER TO SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN. THEN HE STARTED SAYING IT'S UN ATTRACTIVE ABOUT THE QUESTIONING I DID. HELLO I AM YOU R WOMAN. THEN HE SAID HE'S THOUGHT ABOUT MARRIAGE, BUT IS NOT READY. WANTED ME TO WAIT SIX MORE MONTHS. HE FELT LIKE HE WAS I PRISON. I TOLD HIM AFTER ALL THIS ," DO YOU THINK I AM GONNA SLEEP WITH YOU NOW"? THREE DAYS BEFORE I WENT UP THERE I REMEMBERED A DREAM I HAD ABOUT SIX YEARS AGO, AND WELL THE ROOM WAS DARK. SEVERAL PEOPLE WERE THERE AND HE WAS AMOUNG THEM. A SHINNING LIGHT WAS OVER HIM, SO BRIGHT. ALOUD DEEP VOICE SAID, HE IS TO BE YOUR HUSBAND.

    SORRY SO LONG... PLEASE HELP GUIDE ME SPIRTUALLY AND PYSICALLY. HE FELT LIKE MY SOUL MATE, I HAVE NEVER BEEN LOVED BY ANY HUMAN LIKE THAT SINCE MY MOTHER, CAUSE FAMILY OR FRIENDS HAVE ALWAYS HAD A REASON. NOT HIM......
    ANGELA.KRIS@HOTMAIL.COM

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  39. @Angela

    My only question to you is, why on earth would you want to be with this man? He is obviously not saved and the Bible tells us not to be unequally yolked with non-believers. These days, a man is not going to wanna marry you if he is already getting sex. The fact that you cut him off, it really showed his true colors.

    The only reason you feel conflicted right now is because you have soul ties to this man. Ask God to help you break those ties. He says he's not ready for marriage. Basically, he doesn't want to marry you. As long as a woman gives a man what he wants, he will be in no hurry to marry.

    You need to focus on being a mother and growing in Christ. Wait for God to bring you the right man but right now, God needs to be the center of your universe. A man should not make you feel so stressed and burdened.

    Remember that Satan is known as the "angel of light". That means, he fools a many people in believing something is great when it's not.

    If you divorced your ex-husband for reasons other than adultery or he was beating the crap out of you, you didn't need to be marrying anyone else until you were square with the Lord. Your next marriage would not have been blessed.

    Cut all contact with that man. Tell him don't call you, don't come by your house, and don't email you. You have to put your foot down and not waver from it. He will back off eventually and move on to the next woman. Let him go! It's hard but do it and know that God will give you the courage to do it.

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  40. Sharon,

    I think you are blinded by your own religion. If someone, like in Angela's situation feels like God told her that this is her husband, you assume that it has to be the devil because they are having sex amongst other things. You also assume that men who have sex before marriage will not want marriage as much. This is also a ridiculous concept as I know many men Saved and not Saved who have sex before they get married and they still get married to their partners. Your statement of men won't want to marry you as much with the whole "why buy the cow" concept is the case in some situtations, but certainly not all or even the majority of situations.

    Please don't go around saying this is not biblical so break up with him because that is what God would want. Who are you to tell anybody what God wants especially if someone says they feel God calling them to something else contrary to what you yourself have been taught is right.

    I'm sure if Hosea were to do a blog on this site on how God told him to marry a prostitute you'd respond, "oh that must be the devil" too right? Turns out God wanted Hosea to marry the prostitute....and look at that, it's biblical....

    Anyway the point is God does strange things at times, things we don't always understand, things we can't categorize, things that don't fit into what we think we know of him.

    Angela, do what gives you peace with yourself...God has a way of nudging you when something isn't right. Follow your spirit, God is pretty good at leading you in spirit despite what others may think or feel you should do.

    -Stephanie

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  41. Stephanie, I am not blinded by religion mainly because I don't believe in "religion". I believe in having a relationship with Christ. God does not embrace "religion" because religious people follow rules and go through the motions but have no concept of salvation.

    Fornication is of the devil and if you believe it is not, you need to check yourself and the Bible. It hinders your relationship with God and keeps you constantly in sin. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and if we're abusing it with drugs, alcohol, or premarital sex, it can cost you heaven.

    You really should learn how to read because you totally twisted around what I said on some points and I don't feel like going into it.

    Judging by the tone you took here, you sound like someone who needs to justify her own sinful behavior.

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  42. Sharon,

    You do not know me or anything about my behaviors so I trust that you as a "non-religious", believer in Christ know better than to assume anything about me or what I need to justify.

    You have the right to your opinion, I just don't agree. I am very curious as to what you would have told Hosea if he were to write a blog about how God told him to marry a prostitute. You missed the main point of my statement because you were too busy being offended by what I said which by the way is understandable when you debate on spiritual beliefs or religion (whatever you want to call it.)

    Be well Sharon, and be careful not to judge.

    Stephanie

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  43. Stephanie you started this. You came on this board with such a tone and maybe you don't realize it. And, I wasn't judging you.

    Okay, Hosea married a prostitute. Are there any instances of people marrying prostitutes in the New Testament? I think not. Do you know why? Because, it is called being "unequally yolked with non-believers". Christ does not lead us into sin. Things were done a little differently in the Old Testament than they are done in the New and in today's world. A Christian man who values his relationship with the Lord would not marry a prostitute. Maybe if she was a "Hooker for Jesus" and had put that life behind her and turned her life over to Christ, then of course.

    Don't just focus on one scripture. You have to look at many scriptures in the Bible and stack them up against each other to form a bigger picture.

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  44. I completely agree, and because the Bible can be interpreted in so many ways with a combination of stories and circumstances it is hard to say what the right way is for a person, unless of course you are the person who is communing with Jesus. Most Christians incorporate both the Old and New Testament stories into their lives for guidance. The Old Testament can certainly not be disregarded from our faith. Was Hosea a man of Jesus, of course not...Jesus wasn't even born yet, Hosea never got a chance to know anything other than what God told him. Yet his experience is no less valuable because God met him in that place and at that time in his life.

    God puts people in strange situations, sometimes to get out of it through their own discernment, and sometimes to stay for whatever reason. I just have a problem when Christians say "oh that can't be God tell you that, God wouldn't do that." Our understanding is limited by our small minds in comparison to the ways of the Lord.

    Be careful in what you say is right and wrong if someone tells you that God told them something to the contrary. You may know what you know about what the Bible says, but you don't know the Lord's plan for that person whom he is speaking too. That's my only suggestion to you Sharon.

    Again, be well.

    Stephanie

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  45. I appreciate your change in tone Stephanie in your last post. With that said, I do get your point and agree with you. Thanks.

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  46. I appreciate your new found openness Sharon. And with that said, I'm glad we could agree.

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  47. I'm in a relationship where we have lived together for 2 years. Everything seemed fine, then at his christmas party he introduces me as his "girlfriend" I know we are not married but I was bothered alittle so I talked to him about it. He said what did you want me to do LIE. You are not my wife, it would be a ball faced lie and I would lose all creditablity. I was devasted. That he would say that to me. I thought our relationship was more than that. Now I am totally confused.. I feel like this has been a waste. Please give me advise....
    Broken hearted

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  48. Hello everyone,
    My story is endearing and also questionable. I met Mark my junior year in high school, he was a sophmore. We started dating after weeks of him pursing me. After a year of us dating, I gave him my virginity. We have been together since we were 16 we are now going on 23. We went to high school together and now college together. He even transferred colleges to be closer to me. Talk about sweethearts. So we moved in together and had been living together for 2 years. I was getting concerned and mentioned getting engaged to him. After an arguement he went to the store, got a ring and proposed. I was so happy and he said he thought about it and wanted to do it. 2 years later, I just graduated in Aug 2010 and I found out 2 weeks later that I was pregnant. Due to the emotional hormones, us arguing about getting married before the baby came, I left and went to stay wit my mother for a month and a half. He called and called and I was having a hard time living wit my mom so I moved back in with him. I was rocky at first but he has been very supportive through my pregnancy and is working to take care of me and we really love each other very much. But when I bring up marriage he says he wants to graduate first and now he says 20s are too young. I feel like I have given him 7 years, helped him to get to and through college, a beautiful son and I would like the committment of being his wife. But he doesnt seem too excited about it. He says things like "I think Im ready to settle down" "We are young and this is a time we were supposed to be free" "I dont want to get a divorce " But im like yea we should have thought of that before this child. In my heart I know he is my husband but I think he wants to be under no committment. I dont know what to do becuase now we have a child to think about first. Do I stay as long as he is taking care of me and my child? Do I leave and raise this child stuggling as a single parent? O PS I dont know if this has any thing to do with it, but we both believe in GOD and want a closer relationship with him. I think I am more spirtually connected however because ever since he joined a fraternity that he is now the president of he had sex with someone else when we were broke up during that month and a half. He says he was pressured to do it by the boys after drinking. It seems this frat has wedged between us and I am praying that God works it out. At 16 we committed ourselves to gether by having a "vows ceremony" where we said vows to each other and said that Jesus was our witness. It seems that God has kept us together one way or another. I dont know if he took this seriously when we promised to stay committed to each other. Please help me and give some spirtual advice.

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  49. 20 years together and he says that he never saw himself getting married.

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  50. I was just talking to my bf, I was asking him to say done for something special as my birthday gift, he refused at first but then started guessin among he's guesses was "getting married" that wasn't on my mind at all but it bothered me, later on during the convo. I said why not getting married he said coz he's not marriage type, this bithered me even more, I know I've to do something and I can't act like nothing happened but I dont know what should I do

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  51. wowww... such an interesting discussion. thanks a ton for people sharing their story and opinion here. helps me a lot to clear off my mind about the same issue.

    thanks sharon, and for sure thanks christine for providing this blog and the article which from it this discussion goes on and on :)

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  52. I've had my share of dating. I turned my ex of five years down 6 times. I've been with my guy now not even a year and I already want to settle down but he doesn't. I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Every time I talk about it with him he gets upset with me. So now I'm discouraged and don't want to go through with any of it. But I strongly feel like he's the one. Should I give him the time and space or keep trying to talk to him.

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  53. Hello
    I have been with the love of my life for 4 years ...first time i got hit emotions and cried at same time I never feel like that in my life before. I am so ready for marriage but my boyfriend is not ready because of we have been up and down I told him no one perfect stay one happy so he said he's not ready he been thru divorced once I told him i am not like his ex wife! Well I told him I don't think so our relationship will last so i am going make my decision to end the 4 years relationship because I am tired of waiting and high hope :( I just don't understand why he's not ready ...then why he show me so much love and do anything for me . Let's see how's going on .

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  54. Wow! I must praise God that i came to this blog, praise God for Sharon - you are one darling godly person. You are so direct and not waiver to twist the Biblical truth. Thank God for people like you.

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  55. I've been involved with the same man for almost 4 years now. Although we have been monagamous for quite some time, we just started living together 8 months ago. Yesterday, I brought up the subject of us getting married and he told me he wasn't ready. I was disappointed because I didn't understand what he wasn't ready for. We share basically everything. Joint accounts, buying a home together, planning to start a business together. Basically, we're already living our lives together like a married couple, we just haven't made it official yet so I can't understand exactly what he isn't ready for. He told me that he's committed to me and knows I'm the person he wants to spend his life with. I feel that if he really felt that way, then it would be easy to make it official and enter into a marriage. Sad to say, I cried about it in private because it made me feel as though he didn't think I was marriage material. Made me feel as if he thinks it's cool to continue to "shack up." I'm ready for marriage but unfortunately, he's not. Should I walk away with so much invested or should I stay until he decides he's ready? At this point, I'm really feeling guarded, like I should stop doing so much of the things I've been doing, catering to him, picking up after him, catering to him sexually. I mean, why would he buy the cow when he's been getting the milk for free, right?

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  56. after four years! you need to lose him!!!

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